Back to the neurosurgeons office this morning. Baptist Downtown will forever give me nightmares and I plan to avoid the place like the plague when all this is over. We were greeted with, “Oh my gosh it’s Abigail! We’ve been waiting to meet you!”. Never thought we would be well known to the pediatric neurosurgery community. The other mom in the waiting room looked at us and struck up a conversation about her daughter’s spina bifida and wondered what was up with Abigail. Small talk in the neurosurgeons office. Yikes.
Basically, we called Dr. Beier yesterday to ask some questions. Abby is doing so well, we wondered if that was normal or if maybe there were some doubts about her diagnosis. I went in there praying that maybe she’d look at Abby and decide we should run more tests or something. Decide that she had to have been wrong, have some doubts that it couldn’t be as bad as we initially thought. Because look at her! She’s doing so well! She’s like any other newborn (minus an orange feeding tube, but we hardly even use that!). But no… I didn’t hear any of that. She’s confident in the diagnosis being one of those nasty cancerous tumors. Shes confident that there are no good treatment options available. Surgery isn’t an option and chemo at this age would make her completely miserable and likely kill her. She’s confident that we are doing the right thing, the best thing for Abigail, by doing absolutely nothing. Babies are hard to predict. She said it could be months before we see a decline. Or not. Who knows. This is a torturous process. Basically there are three outcomes possible – 1. It is a yucky cancerous tumor and we can’t do anything to stop it, 2. They are wrong and it’s a benign tumor and isn’t going to change so we’d wait anyway until Abby was older to remove it, or 3. The tumor miraculously goes away. Dr. Beier said she has never seen a tumor disappear but my vote is for option 3. I guess we’ll wait another few weeks and if things are the same, do another MRI and see what the bastard is doing to my daughter’s brain.
In the meantime, we love on her. Try not to look at her under a microscope wondering if this, that, or whatever is a sign that something is happening. Give her lots of snuggles, sing her songs, dance with her, and take walks in the sunshine. Let Audrey smother her with kisses, literally we have to pry her away from her Baby Abby! Thank God for each day, and try not to be angry at Him for this sucky situation. I know He cries with us.